She said her name was "party"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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