are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
