Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
