I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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