All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
