is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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