Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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