so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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