This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
