I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
