do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
