She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
