I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there's paper in my vomit.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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