My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
