Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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