i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
