Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
