I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
