I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
