i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
