Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
