Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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