my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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