Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
