goodnight i made you a song goodbye
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize