Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
