yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
