This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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