She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize