It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
