ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
