his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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