i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
