sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
