my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
