That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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