yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
