I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
