Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
