Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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