and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
