all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
