After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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