i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize