you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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