:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
