I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
