Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
