Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
