She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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