Christians are straight up FREAKS
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
