Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
