did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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