i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
