So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
