nut hugger
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
