she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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