I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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