Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
