I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
