i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
