i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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