I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
