If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
