i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we're making bets on your personal life
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
