Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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