Do you still have your period?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
