Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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