What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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