my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
soo... how was my night?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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