My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're using joints as your birthday candles
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
