Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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