Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
