I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
